Every relationship is different, unique and peculiar, but however
different it is we face very similar differences. Having been married for over
four years now, the challenges you face might not be strange to you alone so I
decided to share some helpful guidelines from my experiences in a long lasting
relationship and finding happiness in the midst of challenges, test and trials.
These are not rules and can be termed basic but I have realized the simple and
plain things are difficult for us sometimes to comply with.
Imperfectly perfect
Knowing that your spouse is imperfect and you are no different is
very crucial: When we expect our spouse to be perfect and become everything we
think we are, we are heading for a tragedy. In every relationship mistakes will
always be made and we should be willing to forgive and be patient with each
other. Ephesians 4: 32 (Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving
one another as God in Christ forgave you).
Listen and Keep Quiet: Assumption is a silent killer, always give your partner a chance to talk no matter how aggravated things are. Developing the habit of listening is an enormous gift that could take time and will avoid you saying things you would regret in anger. Try not to shout and always seek to maintain your cool, I struggle with this and I am learning from my husband each day. He has mastered the act of always keeping quiet when am furious. James 1:19 (Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger)
Communication:
Learning to communicate is very healthy and can save your marriage from
heartbreak or even ending in a divorce, but concealing things
in your heart and not clearing the air is so dangerous. Sometimes things are
not always the way it looks like, I have experienced this lots of times.
Always talk about it and give room by listening to each other.
Do not pry or rather don’t be a nosy cat: Aren't we all guilty of this? Hmmm if you can avoid this, never check your partners’ phone, text messages, email, inbox or what have you. Ask yourself this, why do I have to do this? What am I afraid of? Am I suspecting my spouse? Distrust needs to be worked on and should be communicated maturely with your spouse or partner. In the early days of my relationship I use to always sniff around for no reason, even when my husband and I were dating and he gave me no reason to doubt him. I thought I was trying to be smart by checking on things and keeping my ears close to the ground, but it was just a bad habit I had. One day I remember him telling me this ‘people that do this are not always clean’. From that day I decided never to check his phone again no matter what.....
Sex Sex Sex!!
Sex will not always be the same all the time: At every stage of our relationship, sex
will not always be the same. Sex changes, some people have the perfect rhythm
for their sex life and they understand each other and take it to bed. This is a gift
if you have that, although even this does not a hold a marriage! The
fact is, God has not given us a perfect ground for our marriage, but He has
given us a perfect ground to work on and to enjoy the reward of our hard work.
Whether your marriage has the perfect rhythm or not you will need
to work hard to sustain whatever you have. Do not let your sex drive be driven
by how you feel. Sex should moreover be purpose driven in
order to sustain the sexual chemistry. The rules guiding sex in marriage is not
the same as the rules guiding sex in dating, in courting or any form of sex
outside marriage, for instance, in a marriage, it is actually a sin when either
of you wants sex and refused by the other. At this stage, your feelings are no
longer playing a role from the adoring, passionate and romantic sex you used to
have. I Corinthians 7: 3-5 (let the husband render to his wife due
benevolence….. And the wife had no power of her own body). A lot of
marriages can be saved if this basic yet difficult to maintain rule is adhered
to! It just so have it that one party always wants more sex than the other.
Even though sex can be affected when kids start to come in and can feel
snatched or when either of you can be too busy for it. Even when it is not done on
the regular, there is a level of intimacy you can achieve with your spouse in
this phase of your lives and just enjoy every moment and stay intimate with each
other.
You need to make sacrifices, you might have to wake up very early
in the morning to spend a few minutes or hours together when the kids are still
sleeping. The routine will change when you have younger kids and it is up to
you to make sacrifices to up your intimacy. Do not just assume that your
partner will understand, this has sadly let to spouses cheating on their wives,
breakup and divorce. Do not leave your marriage to chance!
No children Zone: I cannot say this enough, no children allowed is good for
the soul. Every time I am alone with my husband and without the worries of my
kids, I feel like I am some teenager who just started dating again and
extremely excited and feel so on top of the world. Put the kids away if you have
to and create time for yourselves, this is magical and always adds value to
your relationship. It works, rekindles and brings back those butterfly feelings!
Enjoy being married!
Email: info@funmishittu.com
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Twitter: @funmishittu
Twitter: @funmishittu
Photo Credit: Bassey Peters
