I hear a lot of people saying marriage isn't for everyone Yes, very true
but it's also a very important decision if you are ever going to make it. So at
least if you do, make sure you get it right!
No matter where you are now in your life? Be it single, dating, mingling
or searching?? Whatever the case maybe, what should you be doing while you are
waiting, looking or expectant. As much as many books would have told you to get
busy with your career, chasing your dream, purpose and all of that (which is so
vital).
However, what we forget to do sometimes is finding ourselves and
developing who we are as an individual. I remember so clearly before I got
married, I would always ask myself this question 'Can I live with myself"
or can I tolerate myself. This is a tough and sincere question you must ask
yourself each day. For example can I tolerate my behaviour and attitude? Am I
tidy enough for my spouse? What of my hygiene, do I take it seriously? Yes I
know we’re not perfect but its wisdom to know that as a man and as a woman
tidiness is important and taking care of your looks matters (i.e. your breath
and so much more)...Never get so spiritual and ignore these aspects of your
lives. Perhaps, in your case it could just be the way you talk to people around
you.
Addressing My Insecurities
Are you are the kind of person always checking your partners’ phone or always monitoring or policing his or her every movement? A lot of people have ended their relationships or walked out of an engagement because they are turned off by the unnecessary insecurities. Understanding where you stand in a relationship is key, whether dating, friendship or courting and not jumping the gun. Can I just slip this through; personally I don't understand when a brother tells a lady "let's just see how it goes". That statement doesn't sit well with me. Many people have got their hearts broken because of that, always remember your heart is not a rehearsal ground if they cannot prove it they do not deserve that space! Please let them define the relationship.
Who Are You on the Inside?
Are you are the kind of person always checking your partners’ phone or always monitoring or policing his or her every movement? A lot of people have ended their relationships or walked out of an engagement because they are turned off by the unnecessary insecurities. Understanding where you stand in a relationship is key, whether dating, friendship or courting and not jumping the gun. Can I just slip this through; personally I don't understand when a brother tells a lady "let's just see how it goes". That statement doesn't sit well with me. Many people have got their hearts broken because of that, always remember your heart is not a rehearsal ground if they cannot prove it they do not deserve that space! Please let them define the relationship.
Who Are You on the Inside?
Deal or better still, start dealing with those negatives aspect of you, so when he or she finally sees you exhibiting some hidden characters down the line in your relationship or marriage he doesn’t become a shocker! Or maybe you’ve been pretending to be the person you are not? What are your true colours, because this will eventually get exposed? The truth is ignoring our bad habits consistently can lead to serious issues in marriages. It must be addressed, dealt with and consistently worked on to avoid disaster.
Finances/Money
This is a topic a lot of couples shy away from before getting married, have you discussed the state of your finances, who is the stronger party? Savings, Investments and what are you bringing into the marriage. This sounds forward abi, my dear it is not o! It is imperative you both discuss who is going to be doing what when you eventually get married? "Some people are like he or she will think am with him or her for money". No honey! Although, I believe before you start discussing finances you must have reached a level in your relationship, not the part where you are not sure where you stand.
This is a topic a lot of couples shy away from before getting married, have you discussed the state of your finances, who is the stronger party? Savings, Investments and what are you bringing into the marriage. This sounds forward abi, my dear it is not o! It is imperative you both discuss who is going to be doing what when you eventually get married? "Some people are like he or she will think am with him or her for money". No honey! Although, I believe before you start discussing finances you must have reached a level in your relationship, not the part where you are not sure where you stand.
Family: Family! Family! Family! This is one of the major aspects of a
marriage that you do not want to ignore. You are going to be seeing them every
now and then. Are you friends with them, do they love you? Do you love them, I
can hear someone saying, “If we love each other that’s what count” No!
Eventually it can be a problem in the long term if either of you have
unresolved issues with your family members. For clarity purposes, family here
means (mother, father, literally close family members).
Basically, addressing these key aspects in a relationship before
embarking on a marriage will do you a lot of good and help prepare your mind
spiritually, financially and also physically.
You really do not want to ignore all this and carelessly make decisions solely on how you feel, because you will have to address them in the future regardless!
You really do not want to ignore all this and carelessly make decisions solely on how you feel, because you will have to address them in the future regardless!
Photo Credit: Bassey Peters
Just read your article. Very nice read also.
ReplyDeleteAunty fummi am in a r/ship with my friend #a guy for 5yrs, we've been friends since our jamb days, am older than him with 2yrs and he doesn't see any problems with it. He is ahead of me in school # class# the problem is that we are so attached to each other that we can let go.. whenever I quarrel with him..# like telling him it's over he would not want to leave me let alone believe.. Aunty fummi even if I don't intend getting married now I just have this feeling of the age thing..# moreover he acts more matured # even if not financially though #but for me that's out of it
ReplyDeleteBlessed child, age is never really an issue per se depending on the age gap and the level of maturity of the individuals involved. However there must be respect because when you eventually get married if you do, it could play a significant part. God give you both wisdom and guide you with your decisions dear.
DeleteNice article. My ex boyfriend once told me let's take baby steps. Imagine that rubbish oh, and that was after I we were already about 6months into our relationship. How crazy is that? Hiss! Some guys just enjoy toying with girls. I agree with you on that
ReplyDeleteHi Funmi, thank you for this post. What would you advise about one's instinct and intuition with regards to insecurities in a relationship? When they play up or nodge you, does it mean you are insecure?
ReplyDeleteEvery time we respond to our instincts we are responding to a seed. If what we are responding to is not going to be productive then we should not allow it to grow.
ReplyDeleteI believe we should always listen to both sides before coming to conclusions. However this is different from discernment, which is God given and in most cases when we have a discerning knowledge, God always gives us a solution. Just to say this, if this instincts and intuition is consistent in all your relationships then this could be sign of insecurity!
Nevertheless, senses are there to protect us which is inborn. However, discernment should play a huge role on how we use them. X