Congratulations!!!! It's15 Years Anniversary For Mr and Mrs UJ Efemuai #Crystal

My dad had passed on in December 1998 while I was doing my national youth service in Kaduna. His burial was scheduled for February 1999. Everyone we knew from all over was invited to our village for his funeral.

Our neighbours from Warri also came and one of them looked at me and said ‘what’s happened to your skin, you are not as fair as you were’ I laughed and replied and said Kaduna heat! His big brother then said, don’t worry I’d take care of her. I just chuckled.  That big brother was UJ Efemuai my husband of 15 years (Smiles).

UJ and I grew up together, we were next door neighbours, the funny thing was that he was even at my 1 year birthday party and I still have a photo of him staring at me while cutting my cake. Hahaha….!

We were very close friends and if anyone had told me we would get married I’d never have believed. He was like a brother to me and I could tell him any and everything.  I knew all his girlfriends, they knew me too. I even went once with him to meet one of them, as in can you imagine? We later got quite close and even started developing feelings for each other, stole a few kisses here and there #coversfaceinshame,  but like I said I never saw marriage coming. He went off to the university and I left for Lagos after my secondary school. We still kept in touch but not quite as close and I heard he’d even gotten engaged.

Spot UJ starring at Eloho cut her cake

So when he made that comment at my dad’s funeral, I was like ‘this guy nor serious oh’. Anyways after the funeral we all went back to wherever we came from and he started calling me at Kaduna, sending gifts etc. eventually came to visit me all the way from Warri.  To cut the long story short hahaha after about 6 months, we got engaged, got married December 17^th 1999.

It’s been 15 amazing years, blessed with the three most gorgeous kids, Nathan(11), Aimee(4) and Josh (4). All I can say it’s been God because if you ask me how we have sustained it, I don’t know. But one thing I know is that we are very good friends and very patient with each other. When we fight I am always so quick to say I am sorry. Initially when we got married, I never used to talk back at him and so when we fight all I did was cry! cry and apologise.  But I remember after a few years I managed to respond heheheh, and will still say I was sorry afterwards!! 

Like most married women, I have felt my husband didn’t love me at some point and I began to go into  shell, rather than speak up, I bottled it all up inside and I started to withdraw in every  way you can  think of. This didn’t help our relationship at all, he tried to reach out to me but I was feeling unloved and just will not let him in. We tried to talk about it, prayed about it, took time away from kids, which seemed to help for a bit. But I was struggling with a few things, which I shared with him and that really helped us. Communication is so very important. Never ever assume! You must talk oh.  

You must be willing to make sacrifice, I remember during the early days of my marriage, my husband used to go to Warri every week from port Harcourt to work and he would usually leave every Monday and came back on Fridays. One of the weekends he was around we had just had a fight and was not talking, he left the house on Monday morning and as soon as he left, I called my boss I had to go to Warri urgently. I went straight to the park and took the next available bus and off to Warri I went. He was so pleased and he said to me, you dey kolo. Another instance was on Valentine’s Day I booked a hotel room for one night and told him we had a guest, our pastor from Kaduna. He just got back from Warri that night and was really knackered but I managed to convince him and off we went. I had decorated the room with candles and as he got in, he kept asking where is pastor na??? He was so stunned and he figured out what I had done and we later went for dinner that night. We came back and we took a shower put on this sexy red lingerie. I try my best to throw in little surprises like that to spice it all up! :)

However, we’ve had our ups and downs but through it all we have stuck together. My husband is a very down to earth person, no pretences about him; says it as it is hahaha hurts sometimes but he means well. He loves me to pieces and it is evident in all that he does.

He is a very loving and caring father, very very supportive of me and my ministry. I had to learn to carry him along every step of the way though and I thought I could handle it all on my own. For where?

The Twins

One thing I have learnt in this whole process is how to be more open and trusting, how to be sensitive to his needs. Sometimes as women, we want to be loved and pampered and all that but the  man is dying to be loved and treated  like a king! So I am still learning how to love him the way he should be loved, respect him, honour him, play with him (lol), pray with him, trust him make him priority, not kids, ministry or friends.  Also learning to enjoy what he enjoys, during the world cup, I am sure my husband felt he had a new wife, because I stayed up with him watching the matches and we had so much fun together…..

I am a very playful person and even after 15years I still play with my husband, I love doing life with him, he understands me even more than I understand myself sometimes. He is truly a friend!

I also still try  to look hot and sexy for him hahaha…. if  you  notice I hardly have on  weave-ons that’s  cos my  hubby loves braids, if I  insist on weaves, he asks me who I am doing it for! lol 

It’s not been an easy journey, there’ve been tears, hurts, disappointments, but through it all we are coming out stronger depending on God all the way.  I will say yes over and over again, he’s all the man that I need. And oh our most treasured gifts, they bring us so much joy, by that I am referring to my twins and my oldest son!....

Eloho

About Eloho

Eloho is a worship minister, singer, and songwriter based in the city of Aberdeen. She currently holds a yearly programme called ‘Engaged’ in the city of Aberdeen. She is a blessed with three children and happily married to UJ Efemuai. To read more about her please visit www.elohoefumuai.co.uk